Pocketbook of boys

Welcome to my personal encyclopedia of different types of boys you can encounter in the wild. I describe the three most common types of men with a major amount of stereotyping, so don´t call me out on that. The main purpose of this post is pure fun, okay? I offer three different perspectives: who I believe they are, who women typically think they are (often romanticising them), and who they are in most cases. Don´t quote me on it, take it with humour, take a seat, and enjoy!

Geeks or nerds

Who I think they are: Guys who are either not communicative enough or way too communicative when you meet them. The first type is the typical shy guy with a brand t-shirt his mom bought him (usually Puma, North Face, or a similar sporty brand), dark blue jeans, and black-and-white sneakers. They are very passionate about specific subjects, but when it comes to discussing their studies, food preferences, or other small talk topics, they struggle. Normally, you would say they´re not sporty, but in my opinion, they either run, climb, or go to the gym.

Who women think they are: Andrew Garfield in Spiderman or Jonathan Bailey in Jurassic World. Basically, so basically a hot guy in a sweater with glasses. He´s shy and has a major crush on you. He will do anything to get you. Behaves awkwardly and strangely, but since he´s hot, it´s actually cute. He looks like a dork. But then he loses his glasses and wears a suit, and suddenly, he could pose for the title page of Vogue.

Who they are, in most cases: Boys with a rich internal world and quite specific skills. You will be talking to them, and they´ll suddenly reveal that they can write in runes, crochet armour, speak Hindi, and know 100 digits of pi. On the other hand, it´s not certain you WILL be talking to them, because they are a pack species and prefer to communicate with their own. The other extreme is that they talk to EVERYONE, not caring whether they're interested or not.

Sports jacks

Who I think they are: They usually wear black puffers, Adidas or Nike sweatpants, white socks, and white sneakers. And they have a bag on one shoulder with their sports equipment, obviously. They smell strongly (but usually pleasantly) of a typical man's perfume. You can divide them into two groups. Sporty guys, who are usually fun to be around, or gym bros, which you should avoid, because they don´t know how to spell fun.

Who women think they are: The best kind of boyfriends, who are so tall that you'll constantly be staring at their chests and whose hoodies will be like a tent. They´ll invite you to their games, you´ll wear their jersey, and when they score, they´ll leave the field to grab you in their arms and kiss you (I don´t think this kind of trope came from a head of a sporty person, because this is NOT how matches work). Their bodies are marble statues. Sports jack´s hair is usually brown and messy, and when they sweat, it somehow works like a gel, so their hair still looks hot.

Who they are, in most cases: From my personal experience, they´re usually easygoing, childish, and full of stupid ideas (I´m saying it endearingly). This is the case for guys playing team sports. Gym bros only want to talk about tuna, protein, oats, eggs, when they´re going to the gym, what they do in the gym, and flex their muscles. Sometimes, these categories blend (yes, I´m talking about you, little brother), so you´re both laughing with them and laughing at them.

Artsy poets

Who I think they are: My favourite group of men to observe. This category touches all the performative males, philosophy students, guitar players, boys with mullets, tote bags or second-half of the 20th-century literature taste readers. Most of the time, I feel like they fell out of a book. I love to hang out with them from time to time, because they always say the most movie-ish stuff. As if they´re waiting for a hidden camera to record them. Most of the time, I think they´re doing all this to show you how much better/more intelligent/cultured they are than you. But they do it in a very subtle way, so you can´t call them out on it.

Who women think they are: The misunderstood souls, who are searching their whole life for that ONE woman. They will be agonising over their intense, all-consuming feeling of love for that girl, usually chainsmoking on a balcony listening to an indie band in their headphones. Sometimes bad boys, sometimes daydreamers. Nevertheless, they will write you poems and songs and passionately discuss their latest book finds with you.

Who they are, in most cases: Fashion divas. No, seriously, I LOVE their clothing style. Vintage, comfortable, earth tones. They love to talk about politics, and especially ideologies and capitalism. You can´t guess if they´re making fun of it or if they´re serious. Artsy poets love to make inside jokes about people you should know, in their opinion, and after finishing the joke, they´ll look at you expectantly, checking if you got it.

This is the end of my pocketbook of boys. Feel free to reach out with any tips on other types. I know many people from all three of these categories, and some of them are my closest friends, while others I watch with amusement or disbelief.

What can I say, I´m bound to both love and hate men.

Love,

Book and Tea Girl