In a spotlight

Can you imagine having something you want to hide on the only place that can´t be hidden - your face? That´s the cruel reality of people with acne.

Before typing anything else, I would like to state that all insecurities are valid and it´s hard - if not impossible - to compare them. But let´s admit it, acne could be placed in a solid high place amongst them.

Someone´s insecurity might be thick thighs, small breasts or curly hair (as in they will spend every morning straightening them out, because they feel prettier that way), but a lot of people would find these traits attractive (me included). However, no one in the whole world would tell you they find acne to be a beauty trait. And I will bet you a million that no one ever said, "I wish I had acne".

People may say they don´t notice it when they talk to you, but with others, you see how their gaze drops from your eyes to your scarred cheeks anytime they think you´re not looking.

During quarantine, my acne got really bad, and I had to start taking a hormonal pill. I remember that looking at the photos from that time, I always thought how ugly my face was, covered in red pimples and bumps.

When it cleared out, I couldn´t have been happier. But as it often happens, I forgot to be grateful and instead of cherishing my healed skin, I started to be insecure about my scars. There wouldn´t be a day when I wouldn´t put makeup on to cover what was left of my acne breakout.

When I stopped taking the hormonal pill this year, the acne came back, and with a force I wasn´t prepared for. I was devastated. I spent my mornings and nights looking closely at myself in the mirror, feeling miserable about the state of my skin.

But after a few weeks, I had had enough. Why should I feel bad for red spots covering my face? It´s literally like freckles but in a different colour and form. Even if it may not be a beauty trait, I don´t have to let it ruin my life.

I feel so bad for the teenage me who thought she wasn´t beautiful without her makeup on. When I look at the pictures from the quarantine now, it´s funny how I no longer find them imperfect. How could I, when my skin is now worse than it was back in 2020?

I wouldn´t have thought I would ever be able to stop caring about the look of my skin, especially when it´s the worst it has ever been. And if I ever told my younger self that I often go to public places without makeup on, she would faint. But here I am, sitting with red scars and bumps on my face, not giving it a second look.

Acne teaches you patience. The progress is slow, and the only person who usually sees it is yourself. Acne teaches you to accept yourself even when you look nothing like the celebrities and models on the cover pages. We may have plus-sized models, mixed-race models, models with imperfect teeth, but we don´t have models with acne.

Well, time to be a model yourself.

Every time I don´t want to go out without makeup on, I think to myself, maybe there´s someone out there who needs to see my acne uncovered to accept their own. And if I help even one soul out there to a little self-love, then it´s worth it.

Love,

Book and Tea Girl